Hylian Pie
by Zippy Zorro
Summary: The story of OOT from Ganondorf's perspective, told to the tune of American Pie


Disclaimer: I own neither Zelda, nor _American Pie_

_Hylian Pie_

A long, long time ago,

In the land of Hyrule

A Hero used to make me cry.

And I knew if I had my chance,

That I could make those people prance,

And maybe I'd be happy for awhile.

But seven years made me shiver,

With every report that was delivered.

Messenger on the doorstep,

The Hero completes one more step.

Why didn't I use my brawn

When I met him on that fateful dawn,

My chances were always gone,

The day the sword was drawn.

Now I'm singing,

My, my how time does fly

Once a ko-ko-ko-kokiri

Now a Hylian Guy.

He left the forest,

He did not cry,

Just said murderer you're going to die,

Murderer you're going to die.

Did you write the book of Mudora?

And did you know I freeze a zora,

If I so wanted to?

Did you believe I can make rocks roll,

Send to shadow your eternal soul?

And I can also kill you real slow.

Well I know that Sheik is helping him,

Cause I saw them talking in the tem-

-ple of Time,

Where the bells no longer chime.

He's a teenage warrior bronkin' buck,

A pinkish fairy and a horse back up.

And I knew I was out of luck,

The day the sword was drawn.

Oh yeah I'm singing,

My, my how time does fly

Once a ko-ko-ko-kokiri

Now a Hylian Guy.

He left the forest,

He did not cry,

Just said murderer you're going to die,

Murderer you're going to die.

Now for seven years I've been on my own,

As moss grows fat on a Goron stone,

But that's not how things used to be.

When I played court to the king and queen,

In a cloak of a blackish sheen,

And the lies that came to me.

But then when day I struck him down,

His daughter fled right through the town.

I proceeded to give chase,

But that boy stopped me in my place.

And while he slept for seven years,

I increased Hyrule's fears

But I let fall many tears,

The day the sword was drawn.

Cause of the singing,

My, my how time does fly

Once a ko-ko-ko-kokiri

Now a Hylian Guy.

He left the forest,

He did not cry,

Just said murderer you're going to die,

Murderer you're going to die.

Helter-skelter in summer swelter

The fools they fled for a shelter,

My monsters back but gaining faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaast,

The Hero past through a field of grass,

Deflected my phantoms powerful blast,

And lacking any guidelines from the past.

The forest air was sweet perfume,

The spirit prepared the Hero's doom.

They started a deadly dance,

My phantom never had a chance.

Cause as it tried to retake the field

The Hero he refused to yield.

Do you recall what words revealed,

The day the sword was drawn.

The Phantom's singing,

My, my how time does fly

Once a ko-ko-ko-kokiri

Now a Hylian Guy.

He left the forest,

He did not cry,

Just said murderer you're going to die,

Murderer you're going to die.

And now we're all in one place,

The triforce holders high in space,

With no time left to start again.

Now c'mon,

That hero's nimble, that hero's quick

He seems to know my every trick.

Those light arrows will be my end.

And as a watched him at this stage,

I toppled the tower with my rage.

But that Hero, born in hell,

Escaped my final spell.

And as flames rose high into the night,

To light the sacred Ganon right,

The Hero's laughed with delight.

That day the sword was drawn.

And now he's singing,

My, my how time does fly

Once a ko-ko-ko-kokiri

Now a Hylian Guy.

He left the forest,

He did not cry,

Just said murderer you're going to die,

Murderer you're going to die.

I was beat by a boy dressed in greens,

And by sages of many sheens,

They just sealed me away.

Now I'm in the sacred realm,

Covered in my dark emblem,

But I'm sad here, cause my power, will not play.

And in Hyrule the children scream,

In delight, their elders deem,

Happy words are spoken,

My spells they are all broken.

And the three things I admire most,

Courage, wisdom, and power most,

Have left me with nothing to boast,

Since the day the sword was drawn.

So,

My, my how time does fly

Once a ko-ko-ko-kokiri

Now a Hylian Guy.

He left the forest,

He did not cry,

Just said murderer you're going to die,

Murderer you're going to die.

My, my how time does fly

Once a ko-ko-ko-kokiri

Now a Hylian Guy.

He left the forest,

He did not cry,

Just said murderer you're going to die,

Murderer you're going to die.


End file.
